The video of this really takes it to a unexpected level of fabulous, but maybe it’s just me because I’m pretty sure this is what I’d look like if I were “living my best life”—twerking atop of patrol car to Hall & Oats, then Supertramp, and being arrested to “You’re the One that I Want” from Grease. Where do the vampires come in, you ask? Christian Radecki informed officers that he was not on drugs, nor had he been drinking, and had no known mental health conditions—and that a fanged woman dropped by his place to let him know there’d be some child sacrifice to vampires, so he did what anyone would do and went to the sheriff’s house to help “save this children.” Can it get better? Of course it can. This occurred on April 7th, and he was released on April 13th, but then taken back into custody on April 23 on similar charges. And here’s where it falls apart and ceases to be fun—my theory is that he was gearing up for the April 29th twenty-two-year anniversary celebration of the adjudication of the assault that earned him his Sex Offender/Predator title in New Jersey. He’s not even a native Florida Man. Also, heads up—according to HomeFacts.com, there are an inordinate number of sex offenders in the Brookline area of Florida. It’s all fun and games until someone is a sex offender.
Cutway, Adrienne. “Florida Man Says He Twerked on Patrol Car to ‘Save Children.’” Daily Press. Tribune Publishing Company. June 4, 2015.
Read Florida Man: Battle of the Five Meth Labs: A Love Story here.
Lee Harper Oswald 
Sock it to me...