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Archive for January, 2021

Florida Man Friday: True Stories #30

Posted in Florida Man, Florida Man Friday, tagged , , , on January 29, 2021| Leave a Comment »

Tax Return

Florida Man has called 911 for many reasons, including to report his roommate for stealing his weed, to mock police for avoiding getting pulled over for a tail light violation (they tracked his identity through his phone), and to talk to someone because he was lonely (seventeen times—he was on the phone with 911 when the police showed up to arrest him). But “messed up” James Mahoney was jailed for two days and fined $450 for calling 911 to check on his tax return.

UPI. “Drunken Man Called 911 to Ask About His Tax Return.” UPI. United Press International, Inc. February 11, 2014.

Read Florida Man: Battle of the Five Meth Labs: A Love Story here.

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Florida Man Friday: True Stories #29

Posted in Florida Man, Florida Man Friday, tagged , , , on January 22, 2021| Leave a Comment »

Gator Wedding

We cannot begrudge Florida Men their romantic overtures. Eric Griemsmann proposed to Samantha Warner at Gatorland in Orlando during an “Up Close Encounters” schtick by tying the engagement ring to a baby alligator, which was handed to the blindfolded bride-to-be. Obviously, she said yes. Honestly, with the “Alligator Used During Proposal, Then This Happens…” headline, I was hoping they had adopted the gator and raised it as their own child. Alas, no.

Dabrowski, Jessica. “Alligator Used During Proposal, Then This Happens…”WJCT NEWS. WJCT. June 9, 2014.

Read Florida Man: Battle of the Five Meth Labs: A Love Story here.

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Florida Man Friday: True Stories #28

Posted in Florida Man, Florida Man Friday, tagged , , , on January 15, 2021| Leave a Comment »

SkunkApe

May I simply direct you to the Skunk Ape Research Center? Enjoy.

Skunk Ape Research Center. Skunkape International LLC. Accessed March, 23 2020.

Read Florida Man: Battle of the Five Meth Labs: A Love Story here.

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Florida Man Friday: True Stories #27

Posted in Florida Man, Florida Man Friday, tagged , , , on January 8, 2021| Leave a Comment »

Emu

After last Friday’s surprise New Year’s beheading, surely we can all use a friendly emu story (and not this).

Taco the amicable emu hopped his four-foot fence after being frightened by a dog—he was found wandering the streets a bit later. This wasn’t Taco’s first jailbreak—he escaped in 2012, apparently during mating season, in the hopes of locating some lucky lady emus.

Price, Wayne T. “Friendly Emu Named Taco Runs Wild in Cape Canaveral.” Florida Today. USA Today Network-Florida. October, 22, 1016.

Read Florida Man: Battle of the Five Meth Labs: A Love Story here.

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Florida Man Friday: True Stories #26

Posted in Uncategorized on January 1, 2021| Leave a Comment »

If I Had Some Crack

William John Lee and his accomplice Dana Ruth Valentine were arrested after they were seen breaking into three Delray Beach vehicles while driving a blue Nissan. They faced three counts of burglary, criminal mischief, and two counts of larceny. Lee was recorded by the in-car recording system of the patrol car as saying: “If I had some crack, I wouldn’t be out here stealing [stuff].” Bonus fact: Lee has a tattoo on his left foot, as described

By one correctional facility or another: “Lil Bad Boy Men,” and has a career stealing steals—among other things—that stretches back to 1990. This is Ms. Valentine only recorded offense.

Milian, Jorge. “Boynton Man: “If I Had Some Crack, I Wouldn’t Be Out Here Stealing…”The Palm Beach Post. Gannett Media Group. December 24, 2015.

And Happy New Year! Here’s your New Year Bonus Florida Man (holy shit, Florida Man, that’s a little much)!

Read Florida Man: Battle of the Five Meth Labs: A Love Story here.

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