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Lee Harper Oswald

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Florida Man

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Rupert is an anxiety-ridden, panic attack-prone, six-foot-ten, 42-year-old biracial man working for the Spliphsonian museum in Washington DC-the only entropologist with naught above a high school degree-and passively crushing on a co-worker, Leenda, from a distance. Quite suddenly, he is sent to Florida to secretly infiltrate a federally funded, museum-sponsored work program for drug addicts, and evaluate it. Failure to do so will result in demotion to the janitorial job he’d originally applied for.

Once there, Rupert pushes through his many anxieties and gets caught up in four meth-producing enterprises operated by assorted bosses and cookers of varying degrees of insanity-bona fide Florida Men (and Women). He finds, in short order, that his anxiety retreats in the face of people more socially inept than himself, and soon, he is planning to start his own meth super lab, intent on putting these low-rent meth dealers out of business and winning Leenda’s heart in the process-he will become Florida Man. But, the bosses have something else in mind. Inevitably, entropy kicks in and his plans begin to fall apart.

Through panic attacks and self-doubt, moments of clarity and insanity, and through a reality bordering the egregiously questionable, Rupert finds the mental, emotional, and physical strength to save the day-or does he? What exactly is it his friend, Jesus, gives him to smoke? If he thinks Florida is strange, things will surely become significantly stranger. . . .

FLORIDA MAN: BATTLE OF THE FIVE METH LABS: A LOVE STORY began as a joke with a friend. After compiling dozens of “Florida Man” headlines from which to draw inspiration, it practically structured itself, and I couldn’t stop writing. Now, it’s a nearly-88,000-word joke. In the end, it is an odyssey-or, as I like to say, a “wacky romp”-into the world of “Florida Man,” based either directly on, or as a creative annex to, actual news stories, including endnote references.

Preamble/Chapter One

Chapter 2.1

Chapter 2.2

Chapter 3.1

Chapter 3.2

Chapter 4.1

Chapter 4.2

Chapter 4.3

Chapter 5.1

Chapter 5.2

Chapter 6/7.1

Chapter 7.2

Chapter 8

Chapter 9.1

Chapter 9.2/10.1

Chapter 10.2/11

Chapter 12.1

Chapter 12.2

Chapter 13

Chapter 14.1

Chapter 14.2

Chapter 15/16.1

Chapter 16.2

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

Chapter 20

Chapter 21/22

Chapter 23

Chapter 24

Chapter 25.1

Chapter 25.2

Chapter 25.3

Chapter 26/27

Chapter 28

Chapter 29.1

Chapter 29.2

Chapter 30

Chapter 31

Chapter 32

Chapter 33/34

Chapter 35/36

Chapter 37

Chapter 38

Chapter 39.1

Chapter 39.2

Chapter 40

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  • Copyright Statement

    © Kriscinda Lee Everitt and Lee Harper Oswald, 2020-2021. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Kriscinda Lee Everitt and Lee Harper Oswald with appropriate and specific direction to the original content. Lifting books to republish elsewhere in any capacity is strictly forbidden.

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