Well, my scheduled posts have long run out. If anyone’s actually following this blog, sorry about that. I’ve been super busy. I may have mentioned this a while ago, and I’m incredibly inconsistent, but I’m taking a long break from writing fiction and have dived into my first nonfiction project: a band biography of the Swiss tech-thrash band, Coroner. “Tech-thrash” might be the best overall description, but it’s more than that.

So far, it’s been great, but a tremendous amount of work — much of the press is non-English, so everything has to be first transcribed and then translated. It’s very time consuming and doesn’t require a ton of thought. I spent 5-6 months doing that until we ran out, but just recently, three more folders have been located, so I’m gearing up to get back into that.

It’s an unusual perspective to have — to look at all of these interviews, features, and album reviews that span about a decade, get them in chronological order, and see how the land had lain. Plus, all the shows/tours, the various releases — the studio albums, the singles, the video, etc. Not to mention keeping track of what was going on with their record label at any given time. It’s a big ol’ puzzle and a lot to line up. The text language barrier, frankly, is the most time-consuming part, but once I start really digging into the information, that’s when it begins to become slightly overwhelming. But…it will all come together, and bits and pieces are, so that’s encouraging.

Two members are currently working on a new album, so contact is minimal, but what’s really pushing this forward is the engagement of the third, who is no longer an active member (though actively into his own excellent project). He photographs and sends each press piece, which is a massive amount of work on his part, and I would have little to work with otherwise. It also helps that he’s enthusiastic and uncommonly kind. I’ve found a lot of fanzine pieces on my own, but his efforts have absolutely quadrupled my reference material. At least. And I’m so, so grateful.

I’ve also commenced actual Zoom interviews — well, one, with him (that helps!) — which is really very anxiety-inducing, as I’m usually pretty terrible with real-time human interaction. He made it very easy, and that’ll go a long way in making me more comfortable to move onto the rest (which is a lot).

So, at this point, I’m still piecing everything together chronologically in order to get some kind of actual, workable outline together; will be returning to transcribing/translating more press; and moving forward with more interviews. Oh, and all the background reading apart from band-specific press. It’s a lot — I just took a week and minimized what I was doing every day just to get some headspace, which I should do now and then, but otherwise, it’s 5-6 days a week, 8-10 hours a day. I think I need to accept that this will take longer than assumed, which is fine, really. I just like to see progress. And I really do need to carve out my weekends — I’ve got plants coming to put in the ground. I’m all vaccinated and the weather is getting nicer — I should maybe think about seeing other human beings in person. And I need sunlight. Hahaa…

One unrelated thing going on is this: A couple of years ago I bought this sweet-ass Iron Maiden Spitfire with the idea that my brother — who puts together military plane models in his spare time — would put it together for me. I finally dropped it off to him a few weeks ago and he’s super into it, which is great! The idea was to get it done and hang it in my office as 1) a commemoration of that tremendous 2019 show, where I finally got to see them live and the almost-scale Spitfire for Aces High blew my mind; and have a nice thing that my brother will have basically made. He’s going all out, doing Battle of Britain research — he’s actually changing up the bottom design to be more historically accurate, and he just suggested the other day to get a ME-109 Messerschmitt to create dogfight in my office (and so he can play around with various model-building techniques!), which I absolutely approved. So, eventually, I will have Eddie in his Maiden Spitfire taking out a Nazi flying above me while I work.

Good times!


You didn’t think I made up Rupert and Shit Pail being trapped in an unlocked closet, did you?

Amber Campbell and John Arwood spent two days trapped in an unlocked janitor’s closet at the Daytona State College’s Marine and Environmental Science Center. They entered the closet on Sunday and it wasn’t until Tuesday that Arwood decided to call 911. Police discovered there was not a functioning lock on the door when they arrived. Best part: Law enforcement found human feces and “suspected” drug paraphernalia, but no drugs. Where the drugs went is apparently a mystery, but presumably there were enough drugs to take two days to ingest. They were charged with trespassing. Arwood had a number of previous arrests and was keeping busy throughout 2019 with grand thefts, burglary, and assaults—he is listed as currently transient, though “on supervision.” Bonus Arwood Fact: His numerous tattoos include one described as “GROIN: 83, GODS GIFT.”

Jauragui, Andres. “Florida Couple Spent Days in Unlocked Closet, Thought They Were Trapped: Cops.” HuffPost News. Verizon Media. January 2, 2015.

That’s it! That’s the last one! Who’d have thought I’d have enough Florida Man Friday citations to last until the first week of March? Well, here we are, and now I need to come up with a new Friday post…dang…

Read Florida Man: Battle of the Five Meth Labs: A Love Story here.


Donna Knope, her son Jason Knope, and Thomas Stallings of Deltona were arrested for running a meth lab. They were busted when one of the three—it is unknown which—inadvertently butt-dialed 911 and police listened to them “talking about making and selling methamphetamine” for a half-an-hour. They also heard a “bubbling sound as if something was cooking.” It might be worth noting that the Knopes hadn’t been arrested prior nor since this incident, though Stallings had been on probation for a domestic battery arrest. Other career highlights include grand theft, burglary, and child injury/abuse. I’m going to go ahead and blame Stalling for the butt-dial.

The Smoking Gun. “Cops: Pocket-Dial T0 911 Sinks Florida Trio Operating Meth Lab in Backyard Shed.” The Smoking Gun. TSG Industries, Inc. October 6, 2014.

Read Florida Man: Battle of the Five Meth Labs: A Love Story here.

Dog Hair

Bay Harbor Island’s Ruth Regina—an eighth-generation wigmaker—makes hairpieces for dogs: “braids, curls, and extensions that can be dyed, highlighted, and styled to order. . .” Feature styles include the “Yappy Hour” (synthetic or human hair, curled and dyed any color, including pastels—a “good choice for hairless dogs”), the “Peek a Bow Wow” (Covers half the dog’s face for a Veronica Lake look—good for “any dog that has feeling, you know, a sexy dog”), the Rover R-r-r-rug” (straight hair for bangs), and “Buddy Braids” (self-described, for dogs with a little hair as they need to he attached with clips.)

Diaz, Madeline BarM-s. “Wigs & Wags.” Sun Sentinel. South Florida Sun Sentinel. August 9, 2006.

Read Florida Man: Battle of the Five Meth Labs: A Love Story here.


A man by the surname Roosevelt repeatedly attempted to eat breakfast at a Holiday Inn at which he was not staying. Upon being refused and asked to leave for a final time, the man threatened to hit the manager and have her fired, as he was the great-grandson of Theodore Roosevelt, owned the hotel, and the entire United States. This is a bold claim. He was issued a notice for trespassing.

Lurye, Rebecca. “Man Claiming to Be Teddy’s Roosevelt’s Relative Banned From Bluffton Hotel.” The Island Packet. Hilton Head Island Packet.

Read Florida Man: Battle of the Five Meth Labs: A Love Story here.


Matt Skytta walked into an International House of Pancakes around 1am, flashed an Orlando Police Department insignia patch in his wallet, and demanded to fed free food, as he was a police officer. When informed that that was, indeed, not IHOP policy, he said: “I’m not going anywhere until you feed me.” He then threatened the server, which escalated to much worse—he said, “Hey buddy!” then “exposed his buttocks.” When real police came to arrest him, he said: “I’m a Green Beret! If I die, Obama dies!” He then said he knew the Orlando Police Chief and said his “retired brothers” would help him out, which perhaps he, and they, did, as I can find no record of his arrest, despite facing charges of impersonating a police officer, trespassing, and disorderly conduct.

Koploswitz, Howard. “’Fake Cop’ Matt Skytta, Florida Man, Shows IHOP Server His Butt When Free Food Request Doesn’t Work: Police.” International Business Times. LBTimes LLC. January 3, 2014.

Read Florida Man: Battle of the Five Meth Labs: A Love Story here.

Tax Return

Florida Man has called 911 for many reasons, including to report his roommate for stealing his weed, to mock police for avoiding getting pulled over for a tail light violation (they tracked his identity through his phone), and to talk to someone because he was lonely (seventeen times—he was on the phone with 911 when the police showed up to arrest him). But “messed up” James Mahoney was jailed for two days and fined $450 for calling 911 to check on his tax return.

UPI. “Drunken Man Called 911 to Ask About His Tax Return.” UPI. United Press International, Inc. February 11, 2014.

Read Florida Man: Battle of the Five Meth Labs: A Love Story here.

Gator Wedding

We cannot begrudge Florida Men their romantic overtures. Eric Griemsmann proposed to Samantha Warner at Gatorland in Orlando during an “Up Close Encounters” schtick by tying the engagement ring to a baby alligator, which was handed to the blindfolded bride-to-be. Obviously, she said yes. Honestly, with the “Alligator Used During Proposal, Then This Happens…” headline, I was hoping they had adopted the gator and raised it as their own child. Alas, no.

Dabrowski, Jessica. “Alligator Used During Proposal, Then This Happens…”WJCT NEWS. WJCT. June 9, 2014.

Read Florida Man: Battle of the Five Meth Labs: A Love Story here.


May I simply direct you to the Skunk Ape Research Center? Enjoy.

Skunk Ape Research Center. Skunkape International LLC. Accessed March, 23 2020.

Read Florida Man: Battle of the Five Meth Labs: A Love Story here.


After last Friday’s surprise New Year’s beheading, surely we can all use a friendly emu story (and not this).

Taco the amicable emu hopped his four-foot fence after being frightened by a dog—he was found wandering the streets a bit later. This wasn’t Taco’s first jailbreak—he escaped in 2012, apparently during mating season, in the hopes of locating some lucky lady emus.

Price, Wayne T. “Friendly Emu Named Taco Runs Wild in Cape Canaveral.” Florida Today. USA Today Network-Florida. October, 22, 1016.

Read Florida Man: Battle of the Five Meth Labs: A Love Story here.