Lee Harper Oswald

Prepare yourself for a whole lot of unpopular opinions, or, I assume they will be unpopular, because I am clearly “out of touch.”

So, recall that I’ve been motoring around Reddit anonymously. I joined the “goth” subreddit, just to see what was going on, and…I don’t know what’s going on. Here are a few things I’ve noticed and don’t get:

1. Someone indicated that they’d never heard Bauhaus and wanted to know if they were problematic.

Really? First, everyone is “problematic” in some way, so the answer would be relative to whatever you did or did not think was problematic (and who can possibly answer that for you?). Second, is this what we’re doing now? Not even approaching a thing until we can clear it ahead of time, so…what? So we don’t get busted later for accidentally liking a band/writer/filmmaker/ etc. who is “problematic” for someone out there in the world (spoiler: there will be someone)? A respondent did mention that Peter Murphy has drug issues and could therefore possibly be seen as promoting drug use, and that’s bad. And so the OP, presumably, has to take all the answers provided and crunch the numbers, deciding who/what groups they feel are worth siding with and who can be ignored (tricky, but unavoidable!). And if they decide that Bauhaus is too problematic to be caught listening to? What’s the protocol? Do they avoid Bauhaus at all costs? Listen to them secretly? Do they actively rail against a band they’ve literally never heard because they decided whether or not to like them before they heard a single note, and, in fact, refused to hear a single note?

Call me nuts, but I prefer the way we did this before (before exactly what point is hard to say) — we’d, you know, listen to the band, decide if we liked them, and later, if we either discovered something “problematic,” we could then choose whether or not to continue listening to that band. And it was our own business and there weren’t really any social repercussions. I am assuming that’s not possible anymore because if someone finds out you’ve engaged with any problematic media at any point in your life, you will forever be deemed suspect.

Yeah, that’s not remotely healthy.

2. A lot of people seeking permission to like things — clothing, all media, etc. Trying to find out the hard facts as to what is permissible with what. It seems that folks don’t know that you can like and do whatever the hell you want. It seems as though they are concerned that if they like/do this and that, these might not be compatible and therefore they cannot called themselves “goth.” I will say this: It’s true. Someone said that because the goth scene is a music-based subculture, as long as one listens to that music, one can wear whatever one wants and call themselves “goth.” I’m here to tell you: No, you cannot. And I can already hear people squealing about my Gatekeeping meanness. But I ask you this: How many known elements of a subculture can you remove until it ceases to be what it was? I argue that the Goth subculture is musically, aesthetically, and philosophically based. You need to check these boxes (this is an simple overview — the boxes contain sub-boxes that can be mixed and matched, etc.) if you really want to be considered “goth.” If you only check the one box — say, music — and you’re mad you can’t be “goth” because of that, I ask you: Why must you be “goth” in the first place? WHat the hell do you have riding on this? Because if you’re not checking the boxes, frankly, it doesn’t really sound like you’re that into it, and if you’re not, why do you need to force yourself, and everyone else, to acknowledge you’re something you’re clearly not? We used to have a word for that: Tourist. The fact is that you don’t need to be here and you’re really just passing through, or you want full access without fulfilling the criteria, simply because you want it.

And what’s so wrong with subculture tourism? Nothing, really, unless…your presence in the subculture is diluting the meaning of it in the first place. What do I mean by that? I mean: diluting the meaning of the subculture for the people who really belong there. Frankly, diluting a subculture just because you want what you want (even if it’s not really what you want) is a dick move. There are people who check all the boxes and are so into it, it truly is a lifestyle — it’s not a weekend thing. If affects their relationship with the mainstream culture, therefore the subculture is their refuge. And when people who are into some aspect of their subculture in passing clog up the works, it makes their subculture less welcoming to them. And they belong there, not the tourists. Imagine, if you will, a gathering celebrating African American culture is absolutely swamped by white folks that it’s ten white folks for every Black folk — it’s not cool. It ceases to be a gathering for Black folks celebrating Black stuff. It becomes a gathering of white folks who are there for any number of reasons, least likely actually celebrating and respecting Black culture.

And — this is important — the only white people who would complain that not allowing white people at the Black gathering is racist are, in fact, racists that do not belong there. So, if you’re one of a ton of people demanding to be called “goth,” and you’re mad because the regulars aren’t as perfectly welcoming as you think they should be, you can…go away. That’s it — just go away.

I know, you want to say, “Well, that’s not nice.” And to that I ask, you know what’s not nice? I’ll tell you. Not having a refuge from mainstream culture people, and having mainstream culture people taking up the space in the little refuge you had. That’s super not nice. Luckily, we have normal, natural social behaviors to counteract that — ignoring, shunning, or flat out forcing you out. Mean, right? Not really — it’s a common behavioral attribute of all social groups. When the members don’t do that, their group falls apart.

3. Someone asked what was the biggest mistake you made when first starting out (as “goth”). We’ll get to the “starting out” part later. Anyway, someone said that the mistake they made was assuming that everyone would be — you guessed it — perfectly welcoming. They seemed to have had the very common experience of interacting with an asshole, maybe multiple assholes. Or, just someone who saw through their bullshit and didn’t roll out the welcome mat. I mean, we’ll never know, right? As I said above, if you’re not being accepted into the group, it might be you, so, you know, take stock. Or, they’re just an asshole. Assholes are everywhere, in every group. But, apparently, that’s controversial.

Someone replied that if, indeed, someone was being mean inside the Goth community, they were, in fact, not a real goth. Are we keeping track of this? So, there is no true definition of “goth” in the Goth subculture — you can pretty much wear, listen to, watch, read, and think in every possible way antithesis to anything “goth” has ever been and still call yourself “goth.” But you can’t be mean. If you’re mean, you get kicked right the fuck out.

It’s hard not to assume that these new rules are being made and perpetuated by people who really aren’t very comfortable in the goth scene because, well, they’re not “goth.” But they feel compelled to be there for some reason probably best addressed in therapy (I’m not kidding — there’s something bent about forcing yourself into various subcultures you’re only vaguely interested in).

4. Returning to that “starting out” point: What? Starting out? The people in the goth subreddit often speak in terms of when they “started” being “goth,” their “first year,” the “first five years,” etc. Has the Goth community turned into some kind of university system? Goth freshman, sophomores, etc…? And it’s something you actively commence? Like, you do your research, take notes, and then one day you just…do those things, like those things, think these things, be this certain way? I genuinely can’t wrap my head around that one.

Okay, look. You either like something or you don’t. You’re either into the things a scene is generally into, or you’re not. If you’re forcing it, you probably don’t need to be there. Experimenting is fine, exploration is fine, but that’s what it has to be — experimentation and exploration, which we do with ourselves, inside ourselves, and usually from the context that it’s already something we’re attracted to. You don’t need anyone’s opinion on that. And you don’t need to check boxes that you’re not just naturally checking yourself. In the social setting, you be yourself and you put yourself out there, you interact, make friends, become a part of the larger scene. This is a natural process that doesn’t require forcing yourself to like or think this or that, hence that first part: be yourself. If “yourself” doesn’t include enough of what makes “goth” Goth, go elsewhere. You can’t follow your bliss until you find it first, and guess what? It’s easy to find, because it’s just who you are, naturally.

All of this, to me, gives me an idea as to why many subcultures have become, well, kind of lame. They’re no longer strictly places for the people whose natural Self does not fit into the mainstream culture. These people don’t have any choice with this, but now the spaces they created for themselves have been inundated with people who absolutely do have a choice, and they demonstrate that choice by asking these stupid question in the goth subReddit about what’s allowed and what’s not allowed, when, as they say, if you know, you know. Trust me, you know where you do and do not belong.

If you’re not sure which subculture you belong in, it might be the case that you really just fit fine into the mainstream culture, so go ahead and do that. I honestly can’t understand why anyone would want to force themselves into a subculture, because not meshing with the mainstream — for real — isn’t easy. There are costs — socially, economically, etc. Actually, that’s a good rule of thumb as well: If there’s not a tangible price you’re paying to be a part of the subculture, you probably don’t belong there. These are outsider places and if you’re not an outsider, you will become one in relation to the subculture. And don’t complain. You should consider yourself lucky you can fit into the mainstream without tearing your very soul apart trying to do so.

And none of this should be an issue. I’m not sure why people get so upset about this. It’s not like you’re being relegated to a culture that you don’t fit into — just find the one that you do actually fit into and stop trying to square-peg-round-hole it with other subcultures on your personal whim. I promise you, you’re a pain in the ass for the people who have nowhere else to go and therefore do belong there.

Sorry (not really), but these things I’m noticing in this virtual “goth” space all seem to point to the fact that there are probably more goth tourists in the scene now than there are actual goths. And I wouldn’t be shocked if that were the case to some degree or another across subcultures. It wasn’t always like this, and it’s actually quite a bummer. And I’m tried of this idea that one is mean just because one wants their fucking cultural space back.

Perhaps I will yammer on about belonging to multiple subcultures in a future post? Is it a thing? It certainly is! And it’s totally kosher!