Lee Harper Oswald

Jayson Laughman, of Deltona, believed his mother’s boyfriend, Michael Airhart, stole a can of shrimp. The inside verbal disagreement turned into a physical altercation, where Laughman threatened Airhart with a statue of undisclosed shape. When Airhart thought the matter had been resolved, he and Laughman’s mother retired to their bedroom, but soon Laughman broke down the door with a samurai sword. They calmed him down again, but he later returned to throw kitchen knives at Airhart, who escape through a sliding glass door. When police arrived, Laughman blamed his low blood sugar, complained of chest pain, and was taken to the Florida Fish Memorial Hospital. To be fair, this is just three years after he lost his kids. To be fairer, they were removed for dangerous living conditions featuring free-range prescription meds and hypodermic needles. He won a bonus charge for possession of a firearm as a convicted felon (who knows what for).

Sullivan, Jerriann. “Samurai Sword-Wielding, Knife-Throwing Man Lost It Over Missing Can of Shrimp, Report Says.” Orlando Sentinel. Tribune Publishing Company. August 20, 2013. www.orlandosentinel.com/news/os-xpm-2013-08-20-os-missing-shrimp-sword-throwing-20130820-story.html

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Key West’s 20-year-old Orion Breese Jones was arrested following a foot chase with club security and being stun-gunned twice by police for resisting arrest after whizzing on a waitress from the balcony of said club. As of 2019, he is the founder of Share Your Drop on Instagram, an account where he posts DJ drop clips. According to his private profile, he likes Svdden Death, Bassnectar, RL Grime, Eric Prydz, and appears to be a Pittsburgh Steelers fan. Listening to dubstep has yet to be made a crime, and we hope he followed through when he told police in the Monroe County jail that he had a “desire to seek help for his alcohol problem.”

Moran, Lee. “Florida Man Arrested for Urinating on Waitress at Nightclub.” New York Daily News. Tribune Publishing Company. January 28, 2015. www.nydailynews.com/news/crime/florida-man-arrested-urinating-waitress-nightclub-article-1.2094717

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An unnamed 53-year-old Marin County man—still wielding a baseball bat upon the arrival of authorities—claimed “the men” had absconded with his wife/girlfriend using “holograms to project signals on the walls to get him to do what they wanted and to communicate with each other.” His lady friend was drunk at the man’s aunt’s mobile home several lots away and confirmed that she had been chased there by the hologram-armed men. The aunt said no one had chased her, but that she “was seeing people and animals at her trailer that were not there.” According to the trailer’s owner, this is not the first time police had been called, citing another instance previously when the man and woman were in the road—he with a gun, and she “digging for gold.” As of February 2014, they were soon-to-be evicted.

• Bleier, Evan. “Florida Man Tells Police His Wife was Abducted by Intruders Using Holograms.” United Press International. Untied Press International, Inc. February 7, 2014. www.upi.com/Odd_News/2014/02/07/Florida-man-tells-police-his-wife-was-abducted-by-intruders-using-holograms/5781391800791/

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This week isn’t nearly as funny as a Klan member fighting Dame Edna, but the idiot level is pretty impressive.

Marcus Faella lead a group of ten members of the American Front—a hardcore white supremacist organization modeled after Britain’s National Front—who planned to “kill Jews, immigrants, and other minorities.” Their training facility was located eleven miles from Disney World. Faella was exploring how to manufacture ricin, a lethal biological substance, before he was arrested on an informant’s tip. Ultimately, thirteen were charged—ten had their charges dropped with no explanation. Faella was convicted on two counts of military training in 2014 and sentenced to six months in jail, with sixty-one days credit on time served, plus two years of community control. As of 2015, Faella wears a suit and has reworked his racist views to better blend in with the more contemporary Alt-Right model of academic hate and stupidity.

• Webster, Stephen C. “Florida White Supremacists Trained for ‘Race War’ Near Disney World.” Raw Story. Raw Story Media, Inc. May 9, 2012. www.rawstory.com/2012/05/florida-white-supremacists-trained-for-race-war-near-disney-world/

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On Halloween, 2012, Boyd Corbin attended an “epic” party at a gay bar dressed as a Klansman with a tiki torch in Wilton Manors near Fort Lauderdale. While there, he found himself in an altercation with Dame Edna Everage impersonator, Michael Walters. I really wish there was a photo of the entire thing. This incident was followed by two years of litigation and intrigue, culminating in Corbin’s exoneration and his decision to run for mayor. As of 2018, he is still running for mayor. Corbin wants to clean up the drinking water, bring down the water bills, get rid of parking meters, build parking garages, bring down garbage collection costs, stop speeding on Wilton Drive, clean up Colohatchee Park (“Don’t take your kids there!”), and bust myriad corrupt officials.

• Swenson, Kyle. “Wilton Manors Bar Fight Between Drag Queen and KKK Impersonator Leads to Legal Saga.” Broward Palm Beach New Times. New Times BPB, LLC. May 6, 2014. www.browardpalmbeach.com/news/wilton-manors-bar-fight-between-drag-queen-and-kkk-impersonator-leads-to-legal-saga-6458119
• Sweson, Kyle. “Boyd Corbin, Once Arrested for Fighting A Drag Queen with a Tiki Torch, Runs for Wilton Manors Mayor.” Broward Palm Beach New Times. New Times, BPB, LLC. October 23, 2014. www.browardpalmbeach.com/news/boyd-corbin-once-arrested-for-fighting-a-drag-queen-with-a-tiki-torch-runs-for-wilton-manors-mayor-6444624

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