Lee Harper Oswald

I’m sure you’re all dying to know how I start my day.

We have one of those light alarms that gradually gets brighter as it approaches its set time, so…I usually wake up before it’s fully on and I lay there trying to remember dream fragments, or what I need to do that day, until the sound kicks on, which is set to waves crashing on the beach. Then, we both lie there until the sound becomes annoying, and I finally roll out of bed. Usually around 7:30 or so.

Then I take a shower, or not. I scritch Ingrid Cookieface Jefferson until she’s been mostly satisfied. Special note on Cookieface: At night, she sleeps in her little cozy cat bed on the floor next to my side of the bed. Almost every night, she wakes up meowing, and she doesn’t stop meowing until I’ve gotten up and pet her. She does this 1-3 times per night, 5-6 times a week. I don’t know if she’s having monstrous Cookieland nightmares from her time in prison, or what. But, I do it, because her meows are pathetic and they wake me up anyway. I’ve gotten used to it.

By now, hubs is downstairs well into feeding Gudie Gumbands and Aud the Deepminded, which, if the cans comes from the fridge, requires a little warming on the stove. During this waiting period, they are positive we’re just standing there ignoring their pleas. They can’t have dry kibble just sitting around, because Aud is a fatty-fatty fat cat and is on a diet. So, by this time, they’re hungry and screeching together in unison, which sounds demonic.

So, I come down and start making my coffee, which is instant, much to everyone’s dismay. My first coffee was instant. I’ve tried coffee makers and fresh, good coffee, but it always reminds me of the Starbucks coffee we made at a theater I worked at in the 90s, which, even freshly brewed, tasted like burnt ass. So, instant coffee (don’t worry, it’s the fancy, good kind). Since I stopped taking it with cream and sugar, I, for some reason, need to have it cold, even in winter, so I dump ice in it. It’s instant, so it doesn’t water it down.

Then, I retreat to my study with my cold coffee and my phone (which we put on chargers in the kitchen overnight, because I hate having the phone around as we go to bed), while hubs heads back upstairs to meditate.

In the study, I post whatever story installment is going up on Wattpad that day, send a bit or two out on social media to announce the installment is up, and then I answer emails, comments, DMs, whatever. I do some promo stuff. Then, I break open whatever book I’m reading, and read and drink my cold instant coffee until about 9:30 or so.

At this point, I reopen the ol’ laptop and look at the news.

Now, fully disgusted, it’s 10 o’clock and time to feed The Creature, Cookieface, and the Brothers Littleman. They all always have grazing kibble, so the need to feed isn’t as dire as with the first floor demons. Then, I eat breakfast.

And that’s it. That’s my morning, most mornings. Now you know.