I while back, someone used my email to create a Reddit account. I’m not really sure of the ins and outs of this sort of bullshittery, but recently, I was perusing Reddit for some piece of information or another, remembered someone had done that, signed in using my email password, and then changed the password and commandeered the account.
I thought, I should change the username to something I would use, because the name they chose was stupid and not “me” at all. But, apparently, that’s not permitted. And then I thought, what the hell, I’ll use this account anyway, and here’s the effect it’s had.
For the first time in a very long time, I haven’t had to frequently decide whether or not I will post or comment something. I think everyone does this to some extent, but I seemed to be unaware of the extent to which I did it because it was a noticeable sensation. And, frankly, it’s awesome. Well, first like wtf? and then awesome.
Incognito, I don’t have to worry about what anyone I know thinks about some of the weird-ass shit I’m into. I don’t have to worry about what anyone I know thinks about my opinion, or how I state that opinion, etc. I think, if you know me, in real life or online, you might be surprised that’d I’d be concerned about that. I know I can be rather blunt, and weird, etc. But, first, I can tell you: I’m a lot weirder than you probably think. And second: I’m just as surprised. And frankly, I’m glad I did this, completely on a whim.
I used to be the kind of person who really did not give a shit, for all the right reasons, but apparently, over the decades, I’ve lost enough of that so that when it was brought to my attention, it was really a bit of a surprise. That’s absolutely unacceptable. But, as with a lot of things, it’s hard to rewire that, especially when it’s gone under the radar for so long.
So, here’s what I’m going to do: I’m going to keep using this account and wander around Reddit — I will call this a form of therapy; it’s an exercise in rewiring my brain. I’m not going to let it screw up my quest for Internet liberation, but just enough for this therapeutic use. I’m going to go to all the weird groups, explore all the weird shit, and say whatever the fuck I want. In this way, I’m hoping I can retrain my brain to be what it once was and then transfer that over into my non-anonymous life, on- and offline.
You might be thinking that I’m giving myself permission to be a complete and utter abusive asshole, which is a definite problem with anonymity on the Internet, but I have zero desire to do that. I spent some time very long ago kind of being an asshole to strangers on the Internet (think ’90s…probably the last time I had an anonymous ID online, actually). I’m not that type of person, generally speaking, but I think — at the time — it was liberating (like what I’m doing now is), but liberating for the wrong reasons. I’d been on the receiving end of that a lot in the real world — from friends, family, and strangers — and I think I just needed to get some of that anger/aggression out of my system. But this isn’t that.
I suggest you do this. Have at least one identity online, somewhere, where no one knows who the hell you are. Even if you think you’re pretty straight forward ,and perhaps even a little much for most people. You might find that you’re not as much as you think.
Afterthought: I’m realizing that a lot of people probably already do this. A lot of people might not have a single online account anywhere that betrays their real identity. And now I’m wondering what it’s been with me — why have I never done this in, like, 26-27 years of being online? On one hand, it’s great in the way I’ve described (and am enjoying), but on the other hand, fact is, being disingenuous about who I am makes me deeply uncomfortable. I think it might be the result of having a lot of people pretend to be something they are/were not in my life, to one degree or another. It’s mostly awful to discover the truth, so it’s not something I ever want to do to anyone. This, I think, has extended to the Internet. Kind of weird, probably. Maybe a bit of an unconscious overreaction. But, obviously, I’m moving past that. This little exercise is harmless. There’s no way I’ll come across anyone I actually know, but if I did, I’d probably have to fess up. *sigh*
Lee Harper Oswald 